I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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