i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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