My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
