My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
