Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
