meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
