people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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