Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
