if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
