I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize