we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
