she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
