Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
