I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
