do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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