I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
