It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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