where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
