he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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