i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
