nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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