maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
