So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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