Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
