Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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