my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
