when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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