Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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