then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
