You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
