Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
