By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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