I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
