Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
