I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
