I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
