I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
