i permit you to call me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
