I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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