I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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