I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
