Where did you get a picture of my penis
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
