I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
