your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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