Your face is a jimmy john
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
