Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
