Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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