you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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