laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
