Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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