I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
