I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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