does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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