He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
