i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Green mimosas i think yes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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