I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
