my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
