im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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