apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
