she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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