sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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