Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
