Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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