i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
