He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
