found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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