i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
